To Settle to Pay the Bills or Do What You Love

Dreams and aspirations are something that we all have, but not everyone pursues them. Some people settle for a job that pays the bills, but doesn't make them happy. 

Others follow their passion and try to make a living out of it. And then there are those who do both: they have a job that they enjoy and they also have a hobby that they love.

I'm one of those people. I love writing and I always wanted to be a writer. But I also knew that writing is not a very stable or lucrative career, especially in the beginning. So, I decided to study something else that I was interested in: commercial art. I didn't get my degree in commercial art (I had two toddlers who I was neglecting so, I thought it best to quit college to tend to my babies' needs.) but I was still able to find a job as an advertising layout artist at a retail store. I liked my job because the head of the advertising department taught me the tricks of the trade, he mentored me and advised me.

But I didn't give up on my writing dream. I'm retired and can write pretty much whenever I want, but I usually write on weekends when I'm not fiddling with marketing my print-on-demand store, Visages Gift Store, and my books, The Little Bear and the Lollipop Tree plus my latest book, The Cloud Show. I write short children's poems and four different blogs. I've submitted my work to contests and have won prizes. Writing is not only my hobby, but also my side hustle. It gives me extra income and satisfaction.

Some people might think that I'm lucky to have a hobby that I love. And I agree, I am very lucky. But it's not easy to balance marketing Visages Gift Shop and two books. It takes a lot of hard work, discipline, and sacrifice. Sometimes I have to stay up late to finish a writing project or wake up early to meet a deadline. Sometimes I have to say no to social invitations or family gatherings because I need to write or work. Sometimes I feel exhausted or stressed or frustrated.

But it's worth it. Because I'm doing what I love and what makes me happy. And that's what matters the most.

I know that not everyone can do what I do. Some people might have more responsibilities or obligations that prevent them from pursuing their dreams or hobbies. Some people might have different priorities or preferences that make them choose differently. And that's okay. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to dreams and aspirations. Everyone has their own path and their own journey.

But if you have a dream or a hobby that you love, don't give up on it. Find a way to make it happen, even if it's just for yourself. You never know where it might lead you or how it might enrich your life.

Dreaming of Change

One of my pet peeves is switch plates on walls. They're an eye-sore in my opinion.

One day while allowing myself some free time to sit, imagine and dream I eyeballed the light switch plate on the wall next to our front door. It's made of off white plastic and looks cheap. It isn't that our house is a fine specimen of a house. It was built in the 40s and has been a rental house for a number of years. It has cracks in the ceilings, ugly linoleum in the kitchen, cheap carpet in the middle room and wood floors painted white which shows numerous scuff marks in the main living area. But I reside here and want it to be a reflection of me.

Above the switch plate is a Southwest sand painting with earth tones and fits nicely in our Western decor in that room. A portion of the painting illustrates a kokopelli (shown above). It occurred to me that I would neither have to purchase a new switch plate or paint it. It occurred to me the I could scan the painting, crop the kokopelli portion, print the kokopelli on plain white copy paper (after measuring the switch plate), cut it out and wrap the switch plate with the print. I did this after cutting out the holes for the switches. I didn't use glue or an adhesive of any kind. I simply wrapped the paper around the plate and screwed in the little screws that hold the plate to the wall. The plate tightly held to the wall holds the paper in place.

Now the light switch plate that hangs on the wall by the front door no longer looks like cheap plastic. It is uniquely designed and matches the sand painting above it.

Then I went back to work designing new candy wrappers satisfied that I had embellished the ugly plastic plate. See where a little dreaming will take you?

Other Dreams

I vacuumed today. Nothing unusual about that. What was unusual was I smelled what seemed to be the odor of burning rubber coming from my vacuum while vacuuming our bedroom.

I flipped the vacuum over to inspect the beater bar and discovered - to my horror - it was completely filled with hair. To be specific, my long hair was wrapped in layers around the beater bar prohibiting it from freely turning.

I had wondered in the past why it wasn't picking up as well as it could. But it didn't take long for me to cut the hair with scissors and pull wad after wad out of the brushes and from around the bar. The vacuum picks up like a champ now.

What's this got to do with dreams? Nothing, really... But I liken it to a semi-bad dream. Like a dream I have periodically when sleeping about not being able to find a class I enrolled in when I was in high school. I haven't been in high school since 1974! Or, I sometimes dream I have to go to the bathroom really bad then finally find a bathroom only to discover that it hasn't been cleaned and there's feces all over the rim and on the floor.

I sometimes forget to check things creating my own semi-bad dreams. Motor oil is another example I forget. Some may call it neglect but I honestly forget. Oh, I occasionally remember as I'm driving a long distance but I can't pull over on the highway to check it. What's the point? I don't have another bottle of oil in the trunk although I probably should keep a spare. Forgetting to check the oil causes me to worry (dream or imagine) my engine blowing.

One day my shoes seemed to small for my feet. The shoes hurt the end of my toes. I had forgotten to check my toe nails which had grown to such a length as to cause the pain. Gross? I don't think so but my brother, Jim, thought it was when I told the story.

I do a pretty good job of checking my face for over long eye brows, chin and nose hairs. (Sorry, girls but when you reach my age - mid-fifties - estrogen dips allowing testosterone to be more active.) But my close range eyesight isn't what it used to be and I managed to miss a hair. While inspecting my face in a mirror that magnifies out the wazoo, I saw what I thought to be a long hair from my head on my neck. I tried brushing it toward the back but it wouldn't budge so I pulled at it. The one inch long hair was actually attached to my neck. How could I have missed that? I missed it because my eyesight isn't what it once was and it was baby fine; nearly invisible.

These incidents make me wonder if I will now have bad dreams about overly long toe nails and hairs growing out of my neck.

Finding Inspiration in the House & Copyrights

I look around the house for things to scan to use in my candy wrapper designs.

I've scanned things like western place mats, old family pictures, bits of lace from my grandmother's handkerchiefs and even part of a sand painting. Of course, with things like the place mat and the sand painting I have to alter them as to not infringe on the copyrights of the piece.

This has been done in advertising through the ages. But it doesn't stop with advertising. Songs writers get inspiration from other songs, alter and change one up. Writers get inspired by other writings; use ideas and change them up. It's against the law to use another's work in verbatim and with its (basic) inception, the copyright begins. That's not technically true but it's something I try and live by.

Were I to come up with an idea and voice it someone before I even have it on paper I would be pretty upset if they used my idea. If they had asked if they could use my idea I might say yes. This would give them permission. I might put restrictions on their use of my idea.

However, the moment my idea is on paper it is copyrighted. Usage of other people's work without their permission is a no-no. That is to say unless they have given specific permission and have given specific instructions on how the piece can be used.

There are many clipart artists out there who do just that. Yet there are many artists who merely ask that you provide a link on your website to their website. Others will ask you to simply give them credit.

It's touchy and it's tricky. But if you understand their rights as well as your own, you should be okay. It's just a matter of a little research and reading.

Plodding Toward the Dream

Below: A jar label I designed for my husband's Pico de Gallo. Did I mention he's a wonderful cook?

Getting organized, having enough in my portfolio to show and keeping the website updated all takes time. In order to sell my goods - for that matter - anyone who has goods to sell has to have the goods. It's not any good to walk in to a place cold calling and tell them about your wonderful product if you don't have anything to show. Or that you have a website but there are very few items on it to look at.

Not only do I need a portfolio of designs but I need - as well - samples, lots of wrapped samples. All the candy bar wrappers simply show better if they're wrapped around something. Because I don't want to carry around chocolate bars I cut out cardboard fakes. Yes, they are fake but they show off the product and the customer gets a grand idea of how the end product will look.

And I have to have pages of clipart. Pages and pages of clip art. Although it's easy enough to print out all of these necessities, it's still time consuming and the printer wants ink. Lots of ink. I also have to do a lot of cutting out of things. Then there's the gluing or taping to make the end result look professional.

It all takes time and I'm an impatient person. I want to get out there to begin showing my stuff. I also want to get all the "no" responses behind me. But I've had enough experience - life experience - to know it does no good to get impatient. I know that if I keep plodding forward - as slow as it may be - I will eventually be on the road stopping into places and marketing my candy wrappers.

Sometimes it's just a slow process to see out a dream.

The Bad Dreams

I don't want all of my dreams to come true. Those infrequent bad dreams I have while I sleep I would just as soon forget.

Two nights ago, I dreamt John, my husband, ordered me to get back to work. He didn't simply order me, he screamed at me to get back to work. You would have to know John to know that he would never do that. He might quietly suggest I go back to work. Or he might point out a job suited to me. More than likely he would say nothing.

But that dream haunted me throughout the day. I heard his loud, demanding voice which really was nothing more than my own guilt hollering at me to find some way to help with financial income. Naturally, I set about working to ignore the voice in my head and sat in front of the computer working on custom candy bar wrappers.

This helped tremendously as I felt I was doing something toward my candy wrapping business. The two wrappers I designed I posted to my website: Miller's Wrapped Expression. Once I completed that I worked to find ways to get the crud out of the textured linoleum in our kitchen since vinegar and water wasn't doing the trick.

Know what did? Greased Lightning (TM) did it. The floor now looks really clean. I held the nearly empty bottle eye level working to come up with another use for it. Sure enough, with bottle and rag in hand I cleaned dirty smudges and finger prints from the doors in the house.

Now I'm out of Greased Lightning (TM) and have to go out today in the bitter winter cold (it's minus one as I type) to buy more. This also means I will have to shovel the end of the driveway so my small car won't get high centered leaving me stuck half way in the street.

But I managed to quiet that stupid voice in my head yesterday!

Building Inventory of Dreams

Rather than spending the day creating faux candy bars out of cardboard to wrap in custom Valentine Day wrappers for samples, I found myself imagining and creating egg shell Valentine votive holders. Before I knew it, the day had passed and it was time to feed, walk the dog, prepare guinea pig salad and let out my boys (ferrets), Ponc and Poncho.

Well, I did manage to print a few custom wrappers out but that was it. I was consumed with the egg shell designs and searching the house for something out of which to make stands for them.

I did finally find a nice thick cardboard tube from a roll of aluminum foil. I measured and marked around the perimeter then using a serrated knife cut them to a decent length. I wrapped some with glittering gold ribbon, some I simply painted with black acrylic and added polka dots. Later I will seal them with Mod Podge (TM) which will also make them shine.

Mod Podge (TM) is what I use to seal the egg shells. After painting the designs with acrylic paint I use the Mod Podge (TM) again to give them a glossy look.

I don't particularly like to spend money on craft supplies unless I absolutely have to. I'm a huge fan of turning the house upside down looking for materials to reuse, recycle. I suggested to my husband, John, I'd like to have some copper wire because I like the looks of it.

Did you know that cables for the TV and stereo contain a core of copper wire? John knew this and because he loves to save money just as much as I gave me this bit of information.

Yesterday, not only did I design and paint egg shells but I striped unused cable wire down to the copper wire core. After measuring and bending the wire into circles, I glued them onto the seed beads around the rim of the shell.

I also used the wire to bend into heart shapes which hang on the rim wire used to somewhat conceal the ragged shell edge. All that remains to do to them is add a wick, melt and pour wax.

Pictures will be added to my portfolio of candy wrappers. You never can tell. Someone just might want to buy one!

Start Dreaming

What is it you want to do? What would you like to spend the rest of your life producing? You don't know? You mean you have nothing you enjoy doing?

Well, that's a challenge, isn't it? It's not easy to take a step back to analyze yourself to determine that one exciting-beyond-measure-goal. And, if you do know; have decided what it is you'd like to spend the remainder of your life producing, creating, living, doubt popped up its ugly head convincing you there is no way to attain the desire.

It's common. That happens more than it should and it's a crying shame to be stopped by your own brain. I can not tell you how many times I have mentally flogged my brain for its doubt; how many times I mentally screamed at it to shut up. In the end, I find that if I simply ignore it to continue forward, the action of moving forward in itself takes care of nagging, negative thoughts. This may or may not work for you. All I know is it works for me.

In my early years, I was a bookkeeper working under the thumbs of self-important office managers. It was back in the day when having five minutes of fun - despite how productive we had been - was frowned upon. Admonishment would follow then (my) self-esteem plummeted after initial anger at being called out for having a wee bit of fun.

That's what drove me to find that which I wanted to do as a career. I couldn't stand the thought of working for the sake of work. Why do that? So, I went to a seminar designed to help individuals decide what career best suited them. I was given a test which determined that I'm very artistic. Okay, so what? I asked my classmates what I should do with the information. They concluded I should pursue Commercial Art. That's exactly what I did. I enrolled in a Junior College and began taking classes.

How simple does that sound? I can hardly believe the act of enrolling in a career seminar led me down the path, through open doors of employers looking for layout and graphic artists then finally Operations Manager of a publishing company.

I know I repeat myself but I can not help it. I feel so fortunate to have done exactly what I set out to do. I pat myself on the back for having the courage to dream the impossible.

End of the Line and Dreams

With the excitement of selling coffee and the related items for a distributor out of Montana, I hit the streets with what few samples they could send to me. The first month was frustrating because of the difficulty to convince coffee shops in Lawrence to - at the very least - try the products I was selling.

I was surprised, to say the least. I was pretty certain the local coffee shops would embrace having a local distributor who was also selling a unique hot cup at the same price as the cups and sleeves they purchased. But no... They wanted nothing to do with me.

It occurred to me the outlaying areas might feel differently. They did. Business began to boom for me in Ottawa, Baldwin, Topeka. Just as I was getting my feet beneath me, my pitch honed to a fine art, the rug was pulled out and I was told the Montana distributor was in deep financial do-do; their future uncertain.

I consulted my husband and we agreed to continue selling and mailing checks to them would be futile. I had only received partial payment of my commissions and there was little hope I would receive the remainder. Also, to continue the relationships with my new clients might mean that I would have to begin telling them product is unavailable. That would not enhance my relationship nor credibility with them.

Now I am without a dream. In the past thirty years I have accomplished and realized my fantasies. I was successful at most everything I set out to do which is something I brag to my children who are now thirty or close to it.

I try to instill into them that whatever it is they want to do, they can with effort and time; patience and tenacity. Actually, I began the task of implanting that idea when they were much younger and it seems to have taken.

My daughter travelled the world with Arlo Guthrie and his family for years. She has seen Belgium, Ireland and England; the Pacific Northwest and the upper eastern side of the U.S.

My son has become the top sales person for a company and set a record in sales. He also is sought to crew on sail boats to navigate and strategize courses for races. Well, he has been sailing since he was four or five. His dad and I were competitive racers years ago.

I suppose I could dream for my children and fantasize their realization of their dreams and desires in the year to come. Some how that seems unnecessary as they appear quite capable of making their dreams come true.

I suppose I could begin to fantasize there is a new goal to work toward and accomplish. I suppose I could use my sales experience to market the customized candy wrappers or the homemade candles I create. Right now - though - I am content. I put my artistic skills to work creating customized candy wrappers for birthdays and assorted occasions, make candles and decorate them with acrylic paint or clip art; I have written lyrics and had a professional musician put music to them for my husband for Christmas; bead homemade Christmas tree decorations and think up new ways to satiate my creative side.

Dreams... I never thought that I would go from a bare footed farm girl to an art director, Operations Manager, composer of songs or an author. Never in my wildest of dreams but I did.

How lucky am I?

With Imagination and Dreaming

I swore I would never leave Florida after moving there in 1988. Not only was it warm and green there year around there were job opportunities - more than Kansas and I was able to make much more money. But after nearly twenty years the time came when my mother desperately needed me to help with her husband who had suffered a stroke and had become an invalid.

After weeks rolled by and I had settled in to my new routine and job I found my free time boring. I had done all I could in cleaning Mother's house, organizing and ridding her of junk. I needed to be productive beyond what I was doing so decided I would start a pet-sitting business and advertise house cleaning as an aside.

I advertised my services in the newspaper and purchased a magnet sign for the side of my car. After several weeks I got my first pet sitting job. Not long after, I answered a classified to clean a home for a retired professor. As the time passed, I was made aware people in this city were either not in need of a pet-sitter or simply weren't interested so I pursued the house cleaning business.

My step father was put into assisted living during my first year back home. He simply was too much for me, Mother and his son to care for or handle. This left even more time for me to fill. Further, I had moved into my own home leaving me in need of even more income.

After going door to door and dropping hundreds of fliers at residential homes touting my new business and responding to classifieds, I had found clients enough to keep me busy and bring in a decent income. Two years later another opportunity arose. I was hired as an independent 1099 to sell coffee and related items. I was thrilled to be able to drop my house cleaning clients. I'm in my fifties and have chronic back problems along with arthritis in my lower neck and third and forth back lumbar. If anyone reading this has this same problem then you know the pain and agony one experiences.

I bid all my clients adieu and dived nose first into the business of selling coffee, hot cups and other related items. After all, I had sold myself to people with homes...

Last of Early Dreams

I have written quite a bit through the years. From these postings I suppose one can tell that I'm quite the armature. My musings are dry, without much description or wit but I'm not bothered by it. Along with art and music this is yet another little something I enjoy.

While I was an art director for the automotive magazine, I wrote a short story for another magazine published (consisting of memories from readers and editors of the fifties and sixties) by the same company. I took my first unedited version of the story to the managing editor who later told me she laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks. She wanted to publish it in the magazine.

Sadly, the magazine was axed from the line up never to be published again. I was this close (imagine my forefinger and thumb illustrating distance) to being officially published. But with time and technology, blogs and the easy creation of websites, I have finally realized my dream of being published. Oh, not through a book or magazine publisher. No, no... It is here within this box I gaze now that I have realized my last dream. As well, I joined National Novel Writing Month that occurs from November 1 to midnight of November 30. The object is to write 50,000 words in that time period. Through this organization I have completed two novels in two years. Both first drafts - of course - certainly not completed but the words are out of my brain and saved on CDs for children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and so forth to read.

Through the years as I worked in companies for Presidents, CEOs, etc. I realized I wanted to start my own company; that I wished to work for myself and none other.

After leaving my last job in 2006 to come home and help my mother with her invalid husband, I was about to advance into my forth dream.

Dreams and Dreaming

Two of my brothers did something very nice for me years ago. The two of them built a computer for me, one I could use to record music onto CDs.

I can read music (Mama taught me when I was six to eight years old) and play several instruments. I don't play them well but I enjoy what I can do. I also enjoy listening to music but I had no Celtic music. One day, I decided I would buy myself an inexpensive four track recorder and record myself playing my electric piano, guitar and penny whistle. I found several piece of Celtic music on the Internet and set out to learn them all.

After hours and hours of practice, I set up my wee recording studio in the breakfast nook of my apartment and began the task of recording my first CD.

It took days. I made so many mistakes and had to re-record all four tracks several times. But I was pleased with the end result. My first CD sounded as though I had recorded an orchestra as my electric piano replicates many different instruments and backgrounds in several different beats.

I grinned when I put the finished product into my CD player and listened to that which I produced. As I sat in the middle of my living room floor listening to the music I had recorded, I realized that I had dream number two come to life. I had become a recording artist...

Over the course of the next couple of years, I wrote several compositions. All are very simple but - none the less - are pieces I composed. I even composed a wedding march for my brother. Taking the letters of his first name and the letters of his fiancee's first name, I transposed them into notes of the music scale. The first letter of my brother's name determined what key the music was to be in.

Again, it is not a complicated piece but my brother and sister-in-law love it and the fact the music is comprised of the letters in their names.

Dream number two evolved...

Dreams Come True

"Where are you going with this?" you ask. I will tell you... in good time.

Some years later after I had pestered the Production Manager once a month for two years, I finally landed a job at an automotive magazine publishing company. What a deal THAT was to get paid a fair wage to learn to use a computer to lay out magazine pages. This was back in the day when many publishers still did paste up on boards.

It wasn't very long after being hired as a production artist that they promoted me to Art Director of the magazine that started it all. I was in hog heaven. The bare-footed farm girl art directing an international magazine.

An addendum to dream number one had been granted. Another addendum was granted two years after the publishing company was bought out by an enormous one from California. I fell into another publishing company in 2000. I wasn't to art direct the wristwatch magazine but I did have quite a lot of input into its design. No, I was to help run the company and left that job with the title of Operations Manager.

During my free time, I began taking guitar lessons. Dream number two was about to come true.

Dreaming...

I was never satisfied with one or two dreams. No, I had to go further. I thought I would like to become an author; write marvelous works like Laura Ingalls Wilder and Louisa May Alcott. My subject of choice - however - was Science Fiction. Again, I was not all that good. Christopher Paolini, the author of Eragon, at fifteen was somehow able to do that which I couldn't manage.

I suffered disappoint and frustration. But isn't it funny how life sometimes turns out for us? I'm about to get ahead of myself here...

After I left farm life, married and had two children, I struck out when I was twenty eight - with desire in one hand and tenacity in the other - to begin Junior College to major in Commercial Art. Two years later after completing only half of the needed credits, I quit. The stress of working a part time job, raising the two kids, doing homework into the late nights and excelling into the top ten percent of my class proved to be too much. I was going insane. I wasn't able to do it all.

Still, grasping my desire and tenacity tightly, I was able to land a job within the advertising department of JCPenny Outlet. The pay was less than what I made as a bookkeeper but it was (as I later found out) my first dream to come true. I had become an artist and continued to be one for the next ten years.

I worked for JCPenny Outlet for a few years until a call from an old boss to my then husband beckoned him to Florida. There I worked in an advertising agency for several months. That was the worst experience of my life. I won't go into details but from the moment I left that job, I vowed to never work in an ad agency again.

Little did I know what new door lay before me two or so years later.

Being Unemployed: Dreams Come True

When you were a child, did you dream of what you would like to be? Most of us did. Some of us wanted to be movie stars, some astronauts, some marine scientists... Me? I wanted to be a cartoon artist for Disney when I was eight or nine. I used to draw all the time. I was no good, never had formal training when I was in school.

Ah, the stuff I turned out. It was frustrating. I knew what I drew was bad but I had no control of the right side of my brain that buzzed with images that never seemed to be able to travel the highway through my arm and out my fingers into the medium I used onto the paper.

When I turned twelve, I wanted to become a famous musician like Joan Baez. I got my first guitar when I was in fourth grade; taught myself how to tune and play it with the help of a Beetles music book someone got for me. I also wanted to play my French Horn for a philharmonics. That desire hit me when I was in high school taking French Horn lessons and playing in my high school orchestra.

Those were the days; the days of dreams.