Dead Eye Cowboy John

In this video clip, John shoots a spoon that is setting sideways (thin side toward us) on a post. The gun he's using is a 50 caliper 9.5 lb black powder rifle.

For Jill and Chris. Love, Mom

Medical Insurance: Do without & hope?

John stated he finally had to have cataract surgery. The sunlight is what bothers him most. He said it's like looking through milky glass with a bright light on it causing a glare. He's a salesman who drives Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri and Oklahoma. There's no questioning his judgement.

We have no insurance so there was a bit of panic when he finally made his decision. Not a lot but enough to force me into shopping for insurance and begin getting estimates to have the surgery done.

The biggest thing; the most important thing I found out is if you have high blood pressure and/or are diabetic you can be assured medical insurance will cost you $500 a month. No, his company does not offer group health insurance. But, they do pay him $300 a month to go toward insurance.

Besides not being able to live on his salary minus the $300 per month, I did the math and discovered cataract surgery for both eyes will cost $3,000 to $3,400 plus the cost of pre-surgery testing; EKG and blood work. Those costs are less than what we would annually pay for insurance. And understand that I'm not even counting the deductible we'd have to pay on top of it all if we DID have insurance.

John argues that we'd have no insurance to pay for hospital stay, maybe surgery, meds, or a doctor if one of us have a heart attack. Yes, that's a chance we are taking. After all we are in our fifties. Hopefully we have a few more years before our bodies begin falling apart. Hopefully we'll make it to the age for Medicare coverage. We might possibly be able to afford a supplemental then.

Still, I have to wonder. With the government forcing insurance down our throats, the likelihood of health insurance NOT skyrocketing is one chance in a gazillion, I'm thinking. Individual coverage is not for the poor or middle-class.

I'd rather take my chances... With the way time is flying it won't be long before I'm covered by Medicare.

The Land of Oz

I couldn't help but post a video of the storm that swept through Lawrence this morning. This particular storm didn't last an hour, I believe. This is uncommon as most come rushing in announcing their presence with bright lightning and thunder that shakes our old house. They will sometimes remain for at least a couple of hours.

The dog wanders the house looking for safe haven. John being the tender heart he is opens our bedroom door we keep closed because Mama (me) doesn't want our bed smelling like dog or be a lounge for fleas. The dog gives him a grateful look and heads to the six inches of floor space between my side of the bed and the wall. We didn't see her again until John announced to her the storm had passed and it was okay to come out now. What? She didn't see the sun shining for the past hour and a half?

Wedding Dreams

My daughter is getting married at the end of this month. The only wedding preparation experience I have is comprised of planning and executing my own wedding thirty-three years ago.

But my daughter who has never been a planner, who has - for most of her thirty-year life - waited until the last minute to plan and execute has her wedding plans under control. I'm - to say the least - surprised and thrilled. I don't have to do anything but drive the one thousand-plus miles and show up to attend.

My daughter's future mother-in-law has a different approach to the wedding plans and wants desperately to involve herself. From the phone calls I have received from my daughter I can only shake my head and pity her and her fiancee.

For instance, I received a call from my daughter two days ago as she drove to pick up her fiancee from work.

"You want to hear the latest news?" she asks with sarcasm that oozes through my cell.

"Sure... Shoot," I respond anxious to hear what the future mother-in-law, Marsha, has thought up this time.

"Marsha told Chris (the fiancee) not to tell me but she wants to blow up of picture of me. She wants a huge picture of me for all the guests (attending the wedding) to sign." Exasperation from her now flows through my cell. "Chris' sister-in-law had it done and now she has an enormous picture of herself with tons of signatures hanging on her wall."

I emit a snort.

"Mo-omm! I don't want an enormous picture of myself with signatures scribbled all over it! What am I going to do with that?" she wails.

"Didn't I tell you she was going to come up with something else despite you and Chris telling her not to plan any surprises?"

"Yes," my daughter concedes. "You know what else she wants to do?"

"I can't imagine."

"She wants to hand out bottles of bubbles to everyone to blow at me and Chris."

I laugh out loud.

"Can you just see Maw-maw, Pa-pa, you, Dad, and (brother) Erik standing there blowing bubbles at me and Chris? I mean, we're not even leaving the church by ouselves! We're all leaving together to go to Marsha's house for the reception. What will everyone do? Stand there blowing bubbles at me and Chris while he and I stand there looking like idiots before we all leave for Marsha's house?"

I'm at a lose for words. "Well, Honey..." This is beyond funny now.

"And now she and Chris' dad told us they won't help us pay for a party for everyone who we didn't invite to the wedding," she whines.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, they spent ten thousand dollars on Chris' brother's wedding but they won't help us with the party. I mean, we're not talking but maybe five hundred dollars. Chris said he feels worthless."

"Awww, poor guy."

"Yeah, and Chris' brother and his wife aren't even responsible. Their baby went without shoes this winter, they have maxed out their credit cards, the wife wanted another baby so she got prenant then quit her job! They can't even take care of themselves and the baby they have! Chris' mom said she can't help us because she has to help Chris' irresponsible brother!"

"Sounds to me like you and Chris have to be irresponsible in order to get help."

"I know," she yells.

"Dang it. I wish I had money to help you," I lament.

"No, Mom. You have helped me and (brother) Erik tons over the past twelve years. That's not what upsets me. Marsha said she and Chris' dad would help us but now tell us they won't."

"What a bitch," I say.

"Yeah..."

"I hate her liver, tongue and vocal cords," I continue as anger swells. But this makes my daughter laugh.

"Mom, I love you. I'm so glad I can talk to you."

I smile and say, "I love you too, Baby."

"Thanks for letting me talk to you. I have to go now. Chris is coming out (from work)."

"Okay, Sweetie. Hang in there."

"I will, Mom. Bye."

""Bye, Baby."

Watching My Garden Grow

I find myself in an emotional tug-of-war. It stems from not holding down a job outside the home and bringing in a scheduled salary.

On one hand I am perfectly happy to remain at home while John leaves every morning to sell inventory to hospital gift shops. Twice a week I do donate plasma for which I'm paid twenty dollars for the first donation of the week then thirty the second donation. The two hundred dollars a month I bring home remains in savings and is our only source of savings.

I stay busy cleaning the house, planting vegetables and flowers, running errands, making phone calls for John who can't find time during the day. I pay our bills, run our financials, tend to our five pets, and fill the remainder of the time creating.

On the other hand we have debt the latest of which comes from the IRS caused by ignorance of tax law. Otherwise, the car I bought four years ago has a small loan balance. John has a cataract. It will cost no less than three thousand dollars to surgically have lens replacement. I decided it was time to check into medical insurance as an alternative. Because John takes blood pressure and diabetic medicines, insurance will cost upwards to five hundred dollars a month. We would NEVER spend that money on medical expenses in a year!

So I endure guilt for not working outside of our home. The fact is I don't want to. I spent thirty two years working my way up the corporate ladder; endured some pretty nasty managers who were not only micro-managers but insulting too. I don't have any desire to work for someone else ever again. That's not to say I won't at some point and that I'm the only one experiencing this frame of mind as millions of others find themselves in the same predicament.

I gave up the house cleaning business I started to be a 1099 contract employee for a company that went under a few months back. I'm physically incapable of restarting the house cleaning business because of compressed discs and arthritis in my lower back and neck. But, there again, if I was physically capable I wouldn't restart the house cleaning business.

I have the candy wrapping business but in order to market it I would have to travel outside of town since Lawrence isn't the proper market for personalized wrappers. This is more of an excuse than anything because there again I simply do not want to work more than what I'm working now.

Hence the guilt. Do you find yourself in the same emotional position? I tell myself to suck it up and begin marketing personalized candy wrappers. After all, the success of selling them would certainly alleviate the guilt. On the other hand, maybe watching my garden grow then reaping what it produces will rid me of the feeling.

Recession Sparks New Dreams

I read or hear whenever this country is in financial trouble, when jobs are scarce and employers aren't hiring that the number of people starting new businesses rises.

This isn't news, really. The majority of people - when forced - opt for survival over a slow financial death. Creativity flows. How do I feed myself and my family? How do I pay the monthly mortgage or rent? Where do I find money for gas just to run a few errands?

These are hard questions to answer. And if one is wont to stand up and fight for survival rather than running and hiding or throwing up their hands in defeat, one will find the means to meet the end. Face it, it's much easier to wallow in self pity, lie on the couch watching television while creeping into depression.

This brings up a pet peeve of mine. Commercials for anti-depressants induce a rage within me I can not control. I holler at the television whenever I see an actor portraying a depressed person. "Get up! Exercise! Take vitamin B. Take a butt-load of vitamin C! Get productive!" All of these have proven effective toward what the psych people call depression.

But back to what I was saying. Yes, during financial crisis studies show an increase in the pop-up of new businesses. These people have found how easy it is to begin one and have discovered a niche to fill. Starting a new business is simply a matter of finding what is needed and wanted. Think about it. Someone out there came up with the idea of clothes pins to hang clothes on a line. How did he come up with the idea? He observed a need and fulfilled it. A need could be something as simple as providing competition to a business whose fees are high and out of control.

Some ideas are easier to implement than others. If you've come up with a new design for a wind turbine blade, then you'll have to fork out money to patent it, market it to businesses that build wind turbines then find a company that will manufacture it. But if you're starting a recycling service, house cleaning or lawn service, you need only to aim your marketing efforts at businesses or home owners that use these services.

How? Get out there and knock on doors. It really is that simple. You would be surprised at how many are interested because they're sick of paying high prices, the providers do a crappy job, aren't reliable or the person doing the job dropped their customer.

No, I'm not surprised at the rise of new businesses starting. It's par for the course and is - for many entrepeneurs - a matter of survival.